Consistently Chaotic
by whackblight
Summary: "Katsuki just rolled his eyes. They'd started this argument fifteen minutes ago and all he'd heard so far was Deku refusing to take responsibility for his affinity to utterly destroy a perfect evening. So, it was time to hit him with the facts." Deku has a habit of ruining Valentine's Day. This is just Katsuki recounting exactly how.


Loud feedback screeched in Katsuki's ear and he snatched the phone from his face.

"What the—where the hell are you? It's _loud_. I thought you're back to the hotel by eleven every night?" he demanded.

"Sorry! Late day for meet and greets, just now back to the tram and it's surprisingly busy," Deku replied, 'excuse me's and apologies softly coming through the receiver as he seemingly made his way through the crowd.

"Whatever. Like I was saying. You have literally _ruined_ every—single—Valentine's Day we've had since we got together," Katsuki argued into his phone as he threw himself down onto their couch.

"That's four consecutive years of me busting my ass to fulfill your sappy dream dates, with all your _feelings_ and _affections_ and all that other gushy, gross, shit—just for everything to go to waste. I'm literally tense right now. Even with you in another country and me safely at home, my body can feel what day it is and is waiting for shit to go south."

It was true. Even with Deku being all the way in Australia right now Katsuki could feel the ache in his shoulder. He was wound unbelievably tight just because he knew the calendar read February 14th.

Damn nerd gave him some weird ass form of PTSD revolving around chocolate hearts and long stemmed roses, like they don't have to worry about that shit in their line of work as it was anyway! Just add 'Soft Ass Hallmark Holiday' to Katsuki's extensive list of nightmares that keep him up at night.

"Are you finished?" Deku asks dryly. Katsuki huffs in response, jamming his finger on the speaker button, throwing the phone on the coffee table with a loud clatter, and moving to pick up his game controller. "Kacchan, you know that's not fair. Half of those weren't even my fault!" Deku countered, his voice taking up the whole room now like it normally did. If he did it so it felt like the nerd was there he'd never admit it.

Katsuki just rolled his eyes and started up the console. They'd started this argument fifteen minutes ago and all he'd heard so far was Deku refusing to take responsibility for his affinity to utterly destroy a perfect evening. So, it was time to hit him with the facts.

"Oh. Ok. Like on our second year, you getting food poisoning from that shifty vendor, partially ducked off into some sketch ass alley, which I told you not to order from? That wasn't your fault?"

Deku whined. "It smelled _so_ _good_, Kacchan. I'm sorry! But I made it up to you after… right?" Deku's voice trailed off seductively and Katsuki just snorted.

"Yeah. Sure," he allowed, before adding, "_After_ you threw up in the three Michelin Star restaurant bathroom and bawled your eyes out to the waitress when she asked what was wrong. 'I'm fine, really'," Katsuki mimicked Deku's snotty apologies to the staff who had no idea what was going on other than Deku was literally _sobbing_.

"The entire staff was glaring daggers at me because they thought I broke up with you on fucking Valentine's Day. You were still crying when the valet pulled up and he actually looked me dead in the eyes and threw my keys across the street. I almost murdered a man, Deku. _And_ spent twenty minutes looking for the damn keys while you threw up in the bushes! Not to _mention_ once we got home. Puke. _Everywh_—"

"_Ok_! Ok. That one was on me. And…maybe the Cupid one too," Deku sounded like he was trying not to laugh. The fucker.

"There is no 'maybe'! Don't even get me started, Deku. I still get new videos from the idiot squad of people remixing the clips on Youtube."

Deku actually did laugh then, full and unabashed. And it was stupid, but Katsuki found himself, not for the first time that day, kind of wishing he was here.

This was their first Valentine's apart, after all. And as much of a disaster as their past ones had been, it's still a lover's holiday. An idiotic one that serves zero purpose, but Deku likes it, so Katsuki has come to find himself enjoying setting up plans for them. Even if they do all go to shit an hour into the night.

"I didn't think when I tackled him his bow would go off. You should've stayed back like I said!"

"Like hell I'm leaving you alone to take down some clown ass villain. We're a _team_, remember?" Katsuki sneers the word only because this is the same stupid spiel Deku gives him every time he tries to run off on his own.

"Well then don't complain when you get shot in the ass!" Katsuki pinched his nose and sighed as Deku continued giggling. "I tackled him and you got shot, which did admittedly put a wrench in our plans. But _you_ spent the rest of the day affected by his quirk and _mooning_ over everything, so we couldn't get anything else done! You refused to follow me to the hospital to get it reversed. So, I think that one was both our faults?"

"I refused because I was affected by a Quirk you shot me with! Both our faults," he huffed disbelievingly, "How does that even make sense?"

Deku ignored him. "You with the puppies is still the funniest clip. You just laid there and happy cried as they trampled all over you."

Yeah, Katsuki remembered that one, it'd become a meme overnight and he was still haunted by it occasionally accosting him as he scrolled through his social media feeds.

"Then when they brought out the kittens I actually thought you were going to die," he chuckled. "We were at the pet store so long we had to cancel our reservation and then when we finally made it home I got to watch you shovel ice cream into your face while you fought for three different rom com's main character's 'love to prevail'. There was a surprising amount of snot crying. You fell asleep with the spoon in your mouth and tear stains down your cheeks. Oh! I think I still have a picture!"

"Don't you fucking dar—" his phone pinged then. Katsuki gave a long suffering sigh before he paused the game and picked the phone up to take a look. Sure enough there he was in baggy sweats and a baggier sweatshirt. Tub of ice cream melting on his lap, spoon hanging from his lips and blotchy red face puffy from the most crying he'd probably done in a decade. Deku was there too, his dumb distracting smile literally blinding Katsuki to look at as he held the phone up to take the selfie.

Oh. And there were a string of others Katsuki hadn't know existed varying from him hugging a tree to kissing the ramen shop workers hand as he handed over their dinner for that night. Fantastic.

Two more messages popped up with videos.

"_Deku_—"

"Just watch!"

The first was of him staring wide eyed and open mouthed at some stick figure drawing one of his tiny fans had thrust into his hands. He was looking at the crumpled kids menu-turned-masterpiece like it was single handedly the most talented piece of abstract crayon art he'd ever seen. Then he was snatching the kid up into a crushing hug. The camera cut out halfway through Deku yelling "Kacchan _no_—!" right after the parent's started screeching because Katsuki was so overwhelmed that he hadn't realized his palms were smoking.

The next was him nuzzling into Deku's obnoxiously fluffy hair and being so fucking _soft._ Ugh, it was disgusting to watch. Him stroking Deku's face as the asshole tried to stifle laughter.

The camera work was shotty due to the silent shaking of his shoulders. "I love you so fucking _much_, you don't even _know_" he'd growled before aggressively peppering Deku's face with kisses and all but cutting off his air supply as his arms tightened around his neck. That one had ended with Deku finally bursting into a fit of laughter, gasping for air, trying to shove Katsuki off.

"Fuck you," he said after it had ended, grabbing the controller to resume his game, but he could feel his lips pulling up into a traitorous smile despite himself.

"I love you, too," he sing songed, answering recording Katsuki's promise. "Ok, so that's two for me and one for you."

"What? That one was _not_ my fault. You're victim blaming, Deku. Would you blame a civilian, huh? For being in the cross fire?"

Katsuki could hear the eye roll in Deku's voice. "You aren't a civilian. It counts as one for you. Deal with it."

"Fucking—whatever. The bubble incident was definitely all you, though."

Katuski had prided himself on this fucking date, alright? It was a restaurant ran by a couple whose Quirks could have definitely been put to good use in the field, but they'd decided to run one hell of a business instead. It had taken Katsuki months to get on the waiting list, even with his growing name in the news.

The wife could create bubbles that were virtually indestructible. They would set the party at a table and she'd create one around them and then they'd be set adrift in the ocean.

Then the husband was able to transport items from one location to the other, so he was in charge of getting the food inside of the aforementioned indestructible bubble.

Perfect, right? Dinner on the water with the city lights illuminating the skyline, soft waves crashing against the sides of their enclosure.

Fucking _poetry_ Katsuki was creating here.

He'd been listening to the nerd geek out over the owner's Quirks (like he knew he would), elbow on the table, fist to his chin, watching those impossibly green eyes glow in the candle light. Thinking there might actually be something to the whole '_romance_' thing after all—when half the fucking city decides to go up in flames.

Katsuki had immediately faced Deku and said, "No."

"But—"

"No. Deku." The dick was already up out of his chair looking for a way out. "_Hey_. Look at me," he hadn't. "There are other heroes on shift tonight. They can handle it. You aren't fucking another one of my nights up."

Deku had then activated One for All and started wailing on the bubble and the structure around them had started to fissure.

"_Izuku_, I swear to _fuck_—" one final hit and they were sinking. Frigid water rushing up at them fast.

Katuski had looked like a drowned cat by the time they had reached the shoreline. He'd turned in time to catch the final glimpse of their bubble fully submerging into the water. He had been livid.

You better believe all his rage had gone towards the villain who had decided to literally blow up his evening. Poor bastard didn't wake up for a week and the police still couldn't even talk to him for a few more days after that. If you ask Katsuki he deserved worse.

But in the end they had ended up being two of the first responders on the scene and saving about three hundred people between the two of them, so Deku had been right to go. Doesn't mean he wasn't still pissed that all his hard work had been destroyed. _Again_.

Deku sighed dramatically into the phone, causing it to crackle on Katsuki's end. "You're still going to hold that one over me? We went up ten rankings after that night!"

"It's the principle of the thing, asshole. Also you dumped me in the fucking ocean in _February_. The doctors had to treat us for hypothermia, so you will _never_ hear the end of that one," Katsuki promised.

Deku just hummed in amusement. "So what's that? Three for me and one for you?"

"It'll be four for you once we go over our first one."

Deku groaned. "Kacchan, please no. I don't want to _argue_, argue. We were having fun."

"Well then you shouldn't have kissed another dude after I'd gotten done slaving over a stove for you for _hours_," Katsuki huffed petulantly.

"I didn't! _He_ kissed _me_! I—"

"_Don't_ give me that 'I didn't even know he liked me', shit. He basically confessed to you and you just stood there with that goofy smile on your face and had the nerve to be shocked when his mouth touched yours after you literally _watched_ him lean all the way into your personal space. Don't be a dumbass."

Deku chuckled. "Wow, you're still really hung up on this, huh?" Katsuki sucked his teeth and threw his controller off to the side. He'd lost every round so far anyways since Deku's been so distracting. He crossed his arms and grumbled as a reply.

"To be fair, I _didn't_ know. And he also didn't know that we were together. We weren't public yet, Kacchan. All my admirers didn't know I was off the market. Uraraka confessed to me too, you know," he said tauntingly and Katsuki growled.

"Well that shit tends to happen when you go to a singles mixer," Katsuki deadpanned.

"That is _not_ how they described it, they said it was just a party, I didn't know it was for singles! So I went because you told me not to 'show my stupid face' until whatever you were making was done!"

"Yeah and I texted you to tell you I was done, not only to not get a reply, but to then have to go searching for you just to find you half drunk with icy hot bastard trying to make a move on you!"

"They spiked the punch I didn't know!"

"Well then what the hell _did_ you know, _hah_?!"

"That I loved you and I was so nervous to say it that I got plastered for, like, liquid courage or something, and ruined the whole night!"

Katsuki's next string of curses died on his lips. "Wait, what?"

"I'd been trying to tell you I loved you for like a month at the time and I told myself that I was finally going to do it on Valentine's Day. But then the day came and you left me alone with my own thoughts for _way_ too long and then I ended up at the stupid party, and then there were drinks, and so many confessions, and chocolate, and strobing lights—,"

"Deku, shut the hell up." He did.

"So you're telling me you knew you loved me before I loved you?"

Deku let out a shy sounding kind of chuff, "Hasn't it always been that way, Kacchan?"

Katsuki's heart did a little flip in his chest. Fucking nerd. Who just _says_ gross shit like this? Katsuki can feel his ears heating up as he clears his throat.

"Well that doesn't change the fact that the night was still ruined, idiot." He says trying to sound unaffected by the affectionate turn the conversation had taken, but it's soft and pathetic sounding even to his own ears.

"You're impossible," Deku laughed lovingly, "I would never cheat on you, handsome, you know that. Especially not with Todroki or Uraraka."

"I guess. They're both too fucking nice, you like 'em mean," Katsuki smirked. "They never would've stood a chance. You've always been mine anyway."

Deku hummed sexily. "You said that, that night too. Then dragged me all the way back to your room and made sure I'd never forget it."

"Damn straight."

"Don't you wish I was there now?"

Katsuki's dick gave a little twitch at the dip in Deku's voice and the image of him crawling on top of him so they could continue their tradition of ending a spectacularly awful night with rounds of 'let me make it up to you' sex.

He quickly wiped the memories away. God, no. This was the most relaxed Valentine's Day he'd had in _years_. Katsuki was fine.

"Hell no. You'd find someway to ruin a whole day in the last thirty minutes of it. I'm about to lay my ass down. I don't want to be bothered by _you_ or that group of _idiots_ or anyon—" the doorbell rang.

Katsuki groaned as he dragged himself up off the couch. "For fuck's sakes. I just want some goddam peace and—" he wrenched the door open, "Deku." He ended their call and blinked at the little green ball of sunshine literally radiating light with the smile he was wearing just for him.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said breathlessly, not breaking eye contact as he held up a takeout bag from Katsuki's favorite hole in the wall, "I brought dinner and—"

"So you've been lying to me all night? This is not helping your case with the tally right now, Deku. This is just further proving that—"

Deku dragged Katsuki in by the collar and crushed their mouths together. "You're talking too much," he murmured against Katsuki's lips.

He pushed Katsuki backwards, slamming the door closed with his foot, until the backs of Katsuki's knees hit the couch cushions and he was back where he'd been all night. Now with Deku straddling his hips, mouth still working on his own. Lazy swipes of tongue and small nips of teeth had Katsuki relaxing for the first time all day. He sighed into the kiss and wrapped his arms reflexively around Deku's trim waist. How was this fucker his headache _and _relief? Infuriating little freckled bastard.

Deku pulled back ever so slightly and smiled. Katsuki pinched his side _hard_ and reviled in the small yelp that followed. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming back? I would've planned something."

"Didn't you just ream me out for an hour about how I ruin all your plans?"

Katsuki didn't know how to respond to that. Of course he's pissed when the plans don't turn out. Doesn't change the fact that he loves the way Deku's face lights up when he learns of them or getting to show the idiot how much he actually cares for him.

"Smartass," He says pinching Deku again, but the nerd retaliates this time and a sloppy wrestling match ensues. They're laughing and trying to pin each other when Deku swings one of his legs too wildly and knocks the takeout all over the upholstery.

They both stop. Deku on top of him pinning his writs, heavy panting filling the room as they both stare at the curry sinking into the cushions.

"See, it's inevitable you'd ruin something."

Deku rolls his eyes and leans down to Katsuki's ear, sneaky hands moving to run down Katsuki's torso and then up under his tank as he whispered, "You act like we weren't about to ruin the couch anyway…"

And that's the end of that argument. Katsuki grabs that tight little body and kisses him stupid all the way to the bedroom where they holed for the next several hours. Food and accusations of past date failures all but forgotten.

So, yeah, Valentine's Day always ended like this, and Katsuki finds it's becoming harder to complain. It's not to say he won't still give Deku a hard time, because obviously that'll alway be the case. But maybe, just _maybe_ he enjoys the chaos a bit more than he lets on.


End file.
